Stressed backwards equals desserts
by arrancar125
Summary: somestimes the best way to a man's heart unless he doesn't have one is through his stomach. Orihime tries to cheer Ulquiorra up with cheesecake and it leads to something more. this is a oneshot and not a fanfic. read to found out the deal


Orihime didn't understand what was happening.

Was she actually falling for Ulquiorra, the arrancar that had captured her and took her to Hueco Mundo?

But she couldn't be, could she?

There was no way she could.

Ulquiorra was so . . . stoic and so . . . emotionless and so sad and mysterious and cruel and handsome and mystifying . . . Wait! Did she just refer to Ulquiorra as mystifying? No, she couldn't have, could she?

She had been asking herself that question a lot lately.

Orihime knew she was a prisoner and he was her warden, but she couldn't help but be drawn to him. She couldn't help but wonder about him, dream about him, fall in love with him.

And even if she were to admit she was in love with him, there was no way he would ever love her. Or maybe he did?

But that would mean he would have to have an emotion, a feeling and Ulquiorra, cuatro espada, did not have emotions or feel. He was too . . . well, hollow for that.

_What a stupid idea_ she thought to herself.

"What's a stupid idea?" she heard a familiar ask from behind her.

"Ulquiorra!" she jumped. "How long have you been standing there?" she asked.

"Not long", he answered in his usual monotone voice. "I hope you aren't planning another escape, because you know all attempts to escape are futile, right?"

"I know that!" she snapped at him. "That just goes to show you don't know what I'm thinking".

"Orihime", he began as he walked toward her and cupped her chin in his hands. "Even in a thousand years, I still wouldn't know exactly what you were thinking". Then he let go of her and walked toward the door, pushing in her lunch tray to the center of the room. "Eat", he commanded.

Orihime hated the way he did that. She hated how he could make her feel all warm and loved one minute, then so cold and stupid the next. Still, she was in love with him and there was nothing she could do about it.

So, she decided she would not give him a hard time (this time) and would kindly eat before he would have to force feed her.

Orihime walked over to the tray, picked up her plate and her fork, carried them to the couch, sat down and began eating.

* * *

Ulquiorra couldn't believe what he was seeing. The woman, Orihime Inoue, was eating without him having to force feed him.

That meant no teeth marks on his hand from where she would bite him. No food stains on his uniform where she would spit up her food. And most of all, no tears from her eyes that he would feel guilty about later.

Ulquiorra almost wondered whether it was a trick or that she was actually going to behave for once. Almost being the key word.

Ulquiorra decided he would enjoy this peace and just watch her eat.

"You want some?" she held up a piece of bread in his direction.

Ulquiorra didn't know whether he should take the bread or not, but he hadn't eaten since the last time he delivered her food, so he figured there was no harm in eating it.

He took slow steps toward the woman and sat down beside her but kept his distance.

"I promise", she smiled. "No trick". Then she handed him the bread.

Ulquiorra took it and looked it over before he took a bit.

Seeing her still watching him from the corner of his eye, he chewed then swallowed.

To his surprise, the bread tasted sweet and warm. And since he was hungry, he decided to take another bite and then another and another until the entire bread was gone.

When he turned back to Orihime, he noticed that she hadn't even eaten anymore of her food.

"Is something wrong with your food?" he asked worriedly.

"Well, someone was certainly hungry", she giggled then she took her napkin and wiped the crumbs from his mouth.

Ulquiorra didn't know how to react but his body certainly did. He cursed inwardly at the emotions swirling inside of him. He hoped she couldn't read the emotions on his face but from the look on hers, something told him she could clearly see how embarrassed and happy he was.

He also hoped she couldn't she how happy the rest of him was.

"There", she said returning the napkin to her plate and picking up her fork but instead of putting the food in her mouth, she stuck the fork in his.

He was about to slap her hand away when she removed the fork from his mouth, stuck it in her potatoes and placed it directly in her mouth.

Ulquiorra couldn't believe what he was seeing. They might as well have kissed if she was going to eat after him. Of course, kissing Orihime wouldn't be so bad and it might . . . _No, no, no, no, no_ he shook his head.

He knew he shouldn't be thinking such things. He knew that such a thing would never happen even if he wanted it to. No, he was going to file 'kissing Orihime' under never going to happen and just do as Aizen wishes.

No sooner had Ulquiorra told himself he was never going to kiss her, Orihime stuck her fork back in his mouth, only this time there were vegetables on it.

"Orihime", he began.

"Un uh", she wagged her index finger. "No talking with your mouth full", she said then stuck her fork in the vegetables and put it in her mouth.

Ulquiorra thought he was going to have a heart attack. That was if he had a heart.

Orihime had no idea what she was doing to him or maybe she did.

Nah Ulquiorra thought. That couldn't be possible, could it?

He had been asking those kinds of questions a lot this past week.

Could Orihime actually have feelings for him and if she did, why? What was it in him she saw?

It definitely couldn't be the fact that he was an arrancar. That would mean she was in love with a hollow and a cold heartless monster at that. (her words not his) And it definitely couldn't be the fact that he feed her. He did that strictly out of orders and nothing more. Then what could it be?

Maybe she wasn't really in love and she just really enjoyed his company. Sitting in a cell all day, it gets kind of lonely and boring.

Yes. That was all it was. She was just lonely and bored and that's why she was acting this way. It was in no way love. But if it was, why?

"Ulquiorra is something wrong?" she looked at him concerned.

"No, why do you ask?" he looked back at quizzically.

"You just look like you're worried about something", she answered still looking concerned. "I know", she clasped her hands together and stood. "You need to be cheered up", she said grabbing his hand and dragging him to the door.

"Orihime", he sighed trying to remove his hand form her grasp. She was surprisingly strong and to his surprise, he felt very warm and comfortable holding her hand, as if he had always held her hand and this time was nothing new.

"Don't worry, I promise, you'll be happy—or your old self in no time", she smiled back at him then turned around and continued dragging him wherever they were going.

* * *

Orihime could feel him glaring at her the way to the kitchen but she knew she couldn't stop. She knew something was wrong with Ulquiorra for him to just sit there thinking instead of scolding her feeding him like that. And she knew there was only one way to fix it, and that was to give him dessert.

Like someone famous once said, 'Stressed spelled backwards is nothing but desserts' or something like that. And that wasn't the only reason she wanted to give him some dessert. Like the saying goes, 'Sometimes the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach'.

Of course, Ulquiorra didn't really have a heart or so he informed her a thousand and one times. Still, she could at least cheer him up and the best way to do that was to feed him desserts.

"Orihime", he stopped causing Orihime to bump back into him.

She blushed and looked up at him. "Yes?" she asked.

"Where are we going?" he looked back at her sternly but she could still tell there was a slight blush on his cheeks. Well, what she assumed would have been a blush if he ever expressed his actual emotions.

"You'll see", she smiled at him then began dragging to their destination.

* * *

When they finally stopped, Ulquiorra noticed that they were in the kitchen.

He wondered why she had brought him there and then a thought hit him. _Was she going to cook me something?_

Not that he would mind, but Orihime's choice in food was a bit . . . strange. Even for a human such as herself.

"Um . . . you don't have any cheesecake", he heard her say from inside the fridge. Then she turned to him and asked, "Where do you keep your desserts?"

"Uh . . . I don't know", he responded. _So that was what she was up to. She wanted to give me cheesecake? But why?_

Ulquiorra was relieved that she wasn't going to cook him anything but he didn't understand.

First of all, he didn't understand how cheesecake was supposed to cheer him up and secondly, just what exactly was cheesecake.

"That's okay", she smiled at him. "I'll just make you one".

"I have a better idea", he looked at her. "How about a call for the chief and he can make it for you".

"It's not for me silly", she giggled walking over to him. "It's for you and besides", she turned on her hills. "I want to make it for you".

_You do, why? _he thought.

"Because silly", she giggled again. "That's what friends do. They cheer each other up".

Ulquiorra hadn't realized he had asked his question out loud but was surprised to hear her answer.

She thought they were friends? And she wanted to cheer him up? Ulquiorra was more and more confused by the minute.

"Oooo! I have a better idea", she squealed, nearly breaking Ulquiorra's ear drums. "How about we make it together?" she ran, grabbed his hand in hers and pulled him over to the counter where her ingredients lay.

"Orihime", he snatched his hand from hers. "What makes you think we're friends and I need cheering up?'" he said coldly.

What happened next even surprised him. And Ulquiorra was never surprised, but instead of her bursting into tears, she slapped him, hard, in the face.

It didn't hurt physically as much it did mentally.

Ulquiorra realized he had went too far and there was nothing he could to rectify the situation. He knew an apology wouldn't be enough this time. He would really have to do something special to make this up to her.

What was he saying? He was her guard, her caretaker, her baby sitter, not her boyfriend.

Still, he did feel bad for what he had said. She was only trying to be nice.

Just as soon as he was about to say something, she wrapped her arms around him and began to cry.

"I'm sorry", she said although it sounded muffled because she was crying in his shirt.

Ulquiorra didn't know what to say but then again, he never did. So, he did the only thing he could think of, he wrapped his arms around her and began stroking her hair.

"I shouldn't have hit you", she began then added, "But you shouldn't have been so . . . cold".

"I'm sorry", he said after a moment. "I didn't mean to . . . what I meant was . . . I was . . ." he looked away from her.

"Oh, it's okay", she smiled at him. "I know you didn't mean it", she squeezed him in her arms then went back to the counter.

Sighing and seeing that there was no way out of this, he followed her and began cracking the eggs into a bowl.

"Ulquiorra, that's too many", she whined.

He ignored her and cracked one more egg, pretending it was her head.

"Now we have to scoop out some of this egg", she pouted and ran to a nearby drawer and opened it.

"Orihime", he began. "Do you even know how to make cheesecake?" he asked.

"Uh . . . no", she rubbed her index fingers together.

"So how about we follow the recipe", he held up a piece of paper he got from the cookbook beside him.

"Hey, where did you get that?" she crossed her arms over her chest, pouting.

"From the chief's cookbook over here", he nodded toward the book in the corner of the counter.

"Oh", she blushed then walked back over to the counter and began breaking some graham crackers in half.

"That's enough", he looked over at her.

"Oh", she blushed again looking down at all the graham crackers on the counter. "Now all we have to do is crumple them", she smiled at him then frowned.

"What?" he eyed her from the corner of his eye.

"Your face, it's red", she lifted her hand and lightly touched his cheek. "Oh no, it's turning even redder", she cried running to the freezer and pulled out an ice pack.

Ulquiorra knew it hadn't turned redder but that he was blushing from the close contact with the girl.

Ulquiorra knew he had to get out of the kitchen before she touched him again and he did something completely out of the ordinary. He couldn't let this woman continue to affect him the way that she did. What he needed was to get away from her.

She placed the ice pack right up against his cheek and he winced from the cold.

"I'm sorry, too cold?" she asked him. "Maybe I should have wrapped it in a towel or something", she turned to look for something to put the ice pack in.

"No", he grabbed her wrist. "It's fine", he took the ice pack from her hand and placed it against his cheek, wincing again at the sudden coldness hitting his skin.

"Well, look what we have here?" he heard an all too familiar voice drawl from right behind them.

Both he and Orihime turned around to see none other than the quinta espada standing there leering at Orihime like she were a snack.

"What do you want?" Ulquiorra stepped in his line of view, blocking him from Orihime.

"What's this?" he grinned. "Mr. Cold and Pet-sama, cooking? Together?" his grin widened.

"I'll ask you one more time, what do you want?" Ulquiorra peered at the grinning arrancar.

"I just came in for a snack is all", his grin grew wider but not at Ulquiorra but Orihime. "But I can see you two are busy so I'll just let you get back to whatever you were doing", he turned to leave then stopped at the door. "Oh and one more thing", he smirked at Ulquiorra. "Try being a little nicer and maybe Pet-sama won't slap you anymore. Unless you're into that sort of thing", he chuckled lightly and turned back around to leave when all of a sudden . . .

_Swat!_

Nnoitra had egg all over the back of the hood of his arrancar uniform which was slowly dripping onto the floor.

"Why you", Nnoitra turned around with anger in his eyes. "Damn you Ulquiorra! You didn't have to—", then he stopped and averted his gaze to Orihime.

Ulquiorra looked over to Orihime and realized that she was the one who threw the egg at Nnoitra's back.

"Ulquiorra isn't like that", Orihime yelled at the quinta espada, her fists clenching. "You're nothing but a dirty lecher and I'm tired of you insinuating that Ulquiorra would do something so vile as to take advantage of me. Ulquiorra is way too much of a gentleman for that and don't you dare place him the same category as you, you . . . you _**trash!**_ "she screamed at the top of her lungs and grabbed another egg but Ulquiorra grabbed her hand before she could throw it.

"Well", Nnoitra laughed dryly. "It seems you've taught Pet-sama a few new things but you forgot to teach one very important lesson", he grabbed the hilt of his zanpakuto. "How to respect her superior officers", he lunged for Orihime but Ulquiorra stepped in the way.

"That's enough", Ulquiorra told the quinta espada angrily. "Aizen-sama put Orihime in my care and I am to kill anyone that proposes a threat to her life. That includes you as well. So I suggest you back down now or else", he informed Nnoitra.

"Fine, whatever", he resheathed his zanpakuto and took a step back from Ulquiorra. "Wouldn't want you to tattle on me to Aizen-sama", he added then mumbled, "Aizen-sama's pet". Then he left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Ulquiorra sighed at the thought of Nnoitra and his always troublesome and disgusting behavior. Then he turned around to make sure Orihime was okay.

"Orihime, are you—" he began but was cut off when Orihime plunged herself into his chest and wrapped her arms tightly around Ulquiorra's waist.

"Forgive me", she cried. "I shouldn't have thrown that egg at him but he made me so mad when he said that stuff about you. He had no right", she looked up at him, tears welling up in her eyes. "Trash like that has no right to talk about you like that", she told him.

Ulquiorra was stunned and a bit amused.

He was stunned because she was truly upset someone had said something cruel and unkind about him but he was amused also because she was starting to sound like him and it was just cute the way she said trash.

Wait a minute! Did he just say the way she said 'trash' was cute?

No, he couldn't have, could he?

He seriously needed to get away from this woman before she completely changed him.

Then again, he had always said change was a good thing and besides, even if he wanted to get away from her, he really couldn't.

He was somehow drawn to her and mesmerized by her spell and there was no way out of it.

Before Ulquiorra could even think, his hand cupped her chin, titled her head forward as he brought his lips down to hers and kissed her deeply with all the emotion, fire and passion he had been hiding since he first laid eyes on her.

* * *

_I can't believe it_ Orihime thought to herself. _Ulquiorra is . . . he is . . . kissing me! _

Her first thought was to push him away but then her body relaxed and she slowly lifted on her tiptoes as her arms wrapped around his shoulders and her hands went into his hair.

She realized his hair was soft and thick but she figured it would be. He looked like the type of guy to wash his hair more than once. She also realized that he wasn't as cold as she thought he would be. His lips were actually warm and his mouth tasted like . . . like the bread she gave him earlier. Sweet and just a bit tangy.

Orihime also realized she really liked kissing Ulquiorra and hoped this moment would never end. But then Ulquiorra broke away from her, his breathing shallow and his pulse racing.

"Ulquiorra . . ." she looked into his bright emerald eyes.

"Yes?" he breathed out looking into her own silver eyes.

"What just . . . we just . . . and you . . ." she blushed controllably until Ulquiorra put his lips back on hers and was lost all over again.

This time when they broke apart, she smiled and said, "Thank you".

"And what are you thanking me for?" he asked pulling her close to his body.

"For opening up to me and letting your emotions go", she smiled as something hard began to press against her leg. "No one has ever kissed me like that. Come to think of it, I've never been kissed before", she laughed scratching her head.

"Well, I'm glad I could be your first", he leaned forward and kissed her cheek lightly. "And I hope to be your first for many other things as well", he stared at her.

Orihime could help but blush at his statement. She couldn't believe what he was saying.

_He wanted to be her first? How . . . wonderful!_ Orihime thought cheerfully.

"And I hope you will be too", she smiled at him.

Orihime couldn't believe what was happening but she wasn't about to stop it now. She loved Ulquiorra and it was obvious he loved her. She didn't care what anybody said and thought, she was in love with Ulquiorra and she wanted to experience everything with him, including her first time. She wanted to spend all of her life with him if possible.

_What, now I want to marry Ulquiorra?_

"Well", Ulquiorra finally spoke, interrupting her thoughts. "How about we finish that cheesecake?" he asked.

"Okay", she chirped and they both went back to making the cheesecake, every now and again making out or playing around with each other.

* * *

"Okay", Ulquiorra took the cheesecake out of the fridge. "I think it's ready", he turned the cake to Orihime so she could see. "Would you like the first slice?" he asked her.

"Sure", she squealed. "Ooo! Can I put chocolate sauce on it?" she asked.

Ulquiorra thought for a moment and decided that chocolate sauce on cheesecake wouldn't be a bad idea. For once, one of Orihime's concoctions sounded appealing to him. But not as appealing as she sounded to him.

"Sure. Why not?" he smiled at her without meaning too.

Ulquiorra hoped she hadn't seen him smile, he was still an arrancar after all, but when she saw that twinkle in her eye, he knew she was going to shriek.

"Ulquiorra!" she squealed at a volume that Ulquiorra thought was going to break the sound barrier. "You smiled, you smiled!" she pointed at him. "Do it again, again!" she tugged on his sleeve like she was a little kid begging for a toy or candy.

"No", he said curtly while cutting the cheesecake.

"Oh well", she shrugged. "I saw you smile so I know you can. Don't worry, I'll get you to smile again", she smirked at him.

Ulquiorra figured she probably would judging by the sly look in her eye. Oh he knew she was going to try her hardest and he knew he would easily fall for it and crack under her spell.

But he didn't care. He loved Orihime and if making him smile made her happy, then that was all that matter in the end.

"So, where do you keep your chocolate sauce?" she asked him.

"In the fridge", he answered placing a piece of cheesecake onto a plate.

"Where?" he heard her ask.

Ulquiorra stopped cutting the cheesecake and walked over to the fridge and looked over Orihime.

"Well, I guess we don't have anymore", he told her.

"Aw", she pouted. "And I really wanted some".

"I'll see if we have any in the pantry", he said as he walked over to the big white cabinet on the other side of the counter.

"Did you find any", he heard her ask after a moment or so.

"Actually", he walked over to her with his hands behind her back.

"What?" she looked at him.

"We have chocolate sauce and", he pulled his hands from behind his back. "Strawberry syrup".

"Yay!" Orihime shrieked as she leaped into his arms. "I love you Ulquiorra", she squealed.

"And I love you Orihime", he whispered in her ear.

"What?" she looked at him, shocked.

"Surprised are you?" he smirked at her, not forming a full smile.

"Actually, yeah", she said. "I never thought you would say it but I always knew you did", she kissed him lightly on the lips.

"And I always will", they kissed again before taking the sauce, syrup, and cheesecake and headed back to her room.

* * *

**Well, this is the end. No, this is not a fanfic. It is really a oneshot of Orihime and Ulquiorra and how desserts have a funny way of breaking the ice and relieving the stress or tension in the air. Please review and tell me what you think. **


End file.
